A Tension of Loves
Does anyone else ever feel pulled between loves?
This has been a feeling for me for a few years now. (It wasn't always so.) I have a lot of good things in my life, all of which are truly enjoyable, and many of which seem to fall on the same tier of priority. So, to review the hierarchy: God first, wife second, daughter a close third (because putting my wife higher serves my daughter most), extended family next, then day job and . . .
Exercise, food, gardening, writing, side-ventures of entrepreneurial nature, community service, home/yard maintenance, followed by an extra dose of exercise when the weather is nice.
Yeah, it's a crowded step.
In regards to exercise, I grew up a swimmer and will always love swimming. It wired in me a desire and love for pushing my body and mind to the edges of physical endurance. Later on I learned to run when I met my Lania. Next a friend nudged me into buying a bike and trying a triathlon - which honestly didn't take much nudging. Then there's food, which I've become more and more fascinated by - nutrition we're talking - as I've grown older and become more interested in endurance, natural living, and wellness in general. This sort of led to gardening, which awakened some inner farmer that now controls a rather substantial part of my psyche. Who knew it, but I really get a kick out growing things, and then eating them. Lania and I serve at the Honey Brook Food Pantry - because people should not go hungry around us, and more importantly, a love for neighbor has hands and feet. I have side investments that require some upkeep, a small business idea that I am actively building with family and friends, and then there's this writing thing.
Which of these things is better than the next? You probably get the idea, or rather, feel it. It's like lots of little lovely hooks in different parts of my heart, mind, and time that don't always take turns pulling. One of these hooks is a real stubborn one: story.
I feel the constant draw of stories that have begun in my mind, but only half the time do I answer the call. Sometimes I can't, other times I just won't, because its sunny outside, or it's time to plant the Fall crop of carrots, beets, and peas. But I will say, it pulls at me quite consistently from among the hobbies (which is what they are in the end). I have more writing projects in my brain folders than I will probably ever be able to get to in this life. I also think, or rather know, that when push comes to shove, a lot of these hobbies are going to be pushed aside to make room for writing stories.
For now the wrestling continues. The goal right now, it to wrangle myself into submission for long enough to pull the trigger on Book 2, "Into the West." Originally planned for this summer, the publish date is now "Fall." What can you do with so many loves?